FTL (Faster than Light) Travel Possible

PRAGUE - 13 September 2008 - Physisists is Prague have finally discovered something that can travel faster than the speed of light. This scientific breakthrough was made at the offices of an outsourcing company.

Before today it was generally accepted that it was impossible for any information or matter to travel faster than the speed of light because it would travel backwards in time relative to some observers. Nevertheless there have always been theoretical possibilities, such as group velocity and phase velocity, quantum mechanics and tachyons, which were never explored successfully in practice. Physisists all over the world were astounded at the discover that gossip traveled faster than light.

Numerous trials in the office provide the researchers with the proof that gossip consistently travelled at a speed that was faster than light. Of course gossip is still bound by the rules of physics and in some cases actually travels backwards in time relative to some observers. In many case people new the gossip before it actually became gossip.

The most recent example of FTL travel of gossip pertained to an off-handed jocular comment between co-workers. Before long someone was changed into a lesbian and the news was all over the office. Despite studying the phenomenon for many years scientist were shocked by the FTL dispersal of information over an extremely large portion of the population. Unfortunately, the accuracy of the information transmitted is greatly corrupted. When asked about the nature of the corruption, the head-researcher explained, "Of course there are a few bumps in the road that need to be smoothed out, but the prospect of being able to transmit information faster than the speed of light is very exciting. Think of all the practical uses, long range space communications, satellites further from Earth to prevent debris accumulation. Really, the possibilities are endless."

Not every voice is equally as enthusiastic as the head-scientist. The Lesbian was more sceptical about gossip as the next step, "I'm not a lesbian! It is far too dangerous to harness gossip as a potential means for faster than light travel. Sure, it is fast, but unstable, people could get hurt by gossip."

Either way, the discovery has incited NASA and ESA to invest heavily in a research grant to further the study. So next time you tell someone the skinny on who is going out with who and they say, "I already knew that," you have been a witness to faster than light travel and the unbreakable laws of physics.