I sit at my desk
I stare at the computer
How I love this job
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
google it
i'd like to give a shout out to all the outsourced employees. and i've dedicated this song to you and to all the people that ask me questions all the time. whether they think i'm a genius or just rely that my know-it-all attitude will eventually lead me to find them an answer is up for debate.
so here's a song i dedicate to all of you,
if you don't know the answer,
don't ask me
just f***ing google it,
i am busy.
if you need to know a word,
don't ask me,
just f***ing google it,
use a dictionary.
if you want to know something,
just look it up,
just f***ing google it,
and then shut up.
you know i'm not a genius,
you're not a drone,
just f***ing google it,
leave me alone.
if you've got a question,
shift your paradigm,
just f***ing google it,
don't waste my time.
addresses, numbers, procedures and names,
that's without mentioning the fun and the games,
all your silly questions that are making me sick,
you can get an answer with only one click.
this message has been editted to so that it can be read on airplanes.
so here's a song i dedicate to all of you,
if you don't know the answer,
don't ask me
just f***ing google it,
i am busy.
if you need to know a word,
don't ask me,
just f***ing google it,
use a dictionary.
if you want to know something,
just look it up,
just f***ing google it,
and then shut up.
you know i'm not a genius,
you're not a drone,
just f***ing google it,
leave me alone.
if you've got a question,
shift your paradigm,
just f***ing google it,
don't waste my time.
addresses, numbers, procedures and names,
that's without mentioning the fun and the games,
all your silly questions that are making me sick,
you can get an answer with only one click.
this message has been editted to so that it can be read on airplanes.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
My Blog
You guys aren't really productive, I might need to outsource to other writers.
I gave you guys the privilege and the opportunity to write on my blog, it could have been the short cut to fame you guys were looking for. The times you had the decency to write, you guys decided to complain about your jobs and outsourcing in general.
No positive messages at all, you guys will need to clean up your act and write something descent and be more productive, or I will cut your wages.
I gave you guys the privilege and the opportunity to write on my blog, it could have been the short cut to fame you guys were looking for. The times you had the decency to write, you guys decided to complain about your jobs and outsourcing in general.
No positive messages at all, you guys will need to clean up your act and write something descent and be more productive, or I will cut your wages.
Friday, September 12, 2008
FTL (Faster than Light) Travel Possible
PRAGUE - 13 September 2008 - Physisists is Prague have finally discovered something that can travel faster than the speed of light. This scientific breakthrough was made at the offices of an outsourcing company.
Before today it was generally accepted that it was impossible for any information or matter to travel faster than the speed of light because it would travel backwards in time relative to some observers. Nevertheless there have always been theoretical possibilities, such as group velocity and phase velocity, quantum mechanics and tachyons, which were never explored successfully in practice. Physisists all over the world were astounded at the discover that gossip traveled faster than light.
Numerous trials in the office provide the researchers with the proof that gossip consistently travelled at a speed that was faster than light. Of course gossip is still bound by the rules of physics and in some cases actually travels backwards in time relative to some observers. In many case people new the gossip before it actually became gossip.
The most recent example of FTL travel of gossip pertained to an off-handed jocular comment between co-workers. Before long someone was changed into a lesbian and the news was all over the office. Despite studying the phenomenon for many years scientist were shocked by the FTL dispersal of information over an extremely large portion of the population. Unfortunately, the accuracy of the information transmitted is greatly corrupted. When asked about the nature of the corruption, the head-researcher explained, "Of course there are a few bumps in the road that need to be smoothed out, but the prospect of being able to transmit information faster than the speed of light is very exciting. Think of all the practical uses, long range space communications, satellites further from Earth to prevent debris accumulation. Really, the possibilities are endless."
Not every voice is equally as enthusiastic as the head-scientist. The Lesbian was more sceptical about gossip as the next step, "I'm not a lesbian! It is far too dangerous to harness gossip as a potential means for faster than light travel. Sure, it is fast, but unstable, people could get hurt by gossip."
Either way, the discovery has incited NASA and ESA to invest heavily in a research grant to further the study. So next time you tell someone the skinny on who is going out with who and they say, "I already knew that," you have been a witness to faster than light travel and the unbreakable laws of physics.
Before today it was generally accepted that it was impossible for any information or matter to travel faster than the speed of light because it would travel backwards in time relative to some observers. Nevertheless there have always been theoretical possibilities, such as group velocity and phase velocity, quantum mechanics and tachyons, which were never explored successfully in practice. Physisists all over the world were astounded at the discover that gossip traveled faster than light.
Numerous trials in the office provide the researchers with the proof that gossip consistently travelled at a speed that was faster than light. Of course gossip is still bound by the rules of physics and in some cases actually travels backwards in time relative to some observers. In many case people new the gossip before it actually became gossip.
The most recent example of FTL travel of gossip pertained to an off-handed jocular comment between co-workers. Before long someone was changed into a lesbian and the news was all over the office. Despite studying the phenomenon for many years scientist were shocked by the FTL dispersal of information over an extremely large portion of the population. Unfortunately, the accuracy of the information transmitted is greatly corrupted. When asked about the nature of the corruption, the head-researcher explained, "Of course there are a few bumps in the road that need to be smoothed out, but the prospect of being able to transmit information faster than the speed of light is very exciting. Think of all the practical uses, long range space communications, satellites further from Earth to prevent debris accumulation. Really, the possibilities are endless."
Not every voice is equally as enthusiastic as the head-scientist. The Lesbian was more sceptical about gossip as the next step, "I'm not a lesbian! It is far too dangerous to harness gossip as a potential means for faster than light travel. Sure, it is fast, but unstable, people could get hurt by gossip."
Either way, the discovery has incited NASA and ESA to invest heavily in a research grant to further the study. So next time you tell someone the skinny on who is going out with who and they say, "I already knew that," you have been a witness to faster than light travel and the unbreakable laws of physics.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
job hunting
hunting season has opened. in 1 week i've done my time and am free to roam the green pastures of other jobs. (i suppose i always was, but now i won't have to pay the company money back and can still get recommendations from my superiors).
so i've been out hunting. i updated my cv and am ready for a new challenge.
i found a couple of jobs that interested me.
1. writer for a tourist website here in prague.
2. writer/marketting person for a hotel in prague.
3. fraud administrator here in prague.
let me tell you a bit about my experiences with each.
1. i did my professional thing. scouted out the website, thought about what they wanted to hear. practised my lines in front of the mirror. went to the interview in pants that were too tight. way too tight. and way too woollen to wear on a hot summer day. and i wore broken shoes. it was either that or sneakers and sneakers don't fit well with dress pants. so i walked into that interview, shoes flapping, in pants that did not do much to disguise my anatomical features. the interviewer was a nice young lady who seemed very interested in me, but the salary was extremely low, so i declined after all.
2. i decided i no longer wanted floppy soles and tight pants so i bought new dress shoes and a new pair of dressy pants. came to the hotel, had a pretty standard interview got a small assignment and was invited for the second interview for which i was pretty unprepared. the owner grilled me with a complete lack of enthusiasm and frowned at my cv often. then i spent a few hours doing a test in which i had to place people in their correct rooms. gruelling.
3. walked in very relaxed. had a pleasant chat, understood the job and felt a good connection. at the end i also had to do a little test. i had to pick out the frauds in a bunch, which i thought was pretty fun. they said they'd let me know by a certain time (they did mention a specific time, i just don't feel like mentioning it).
meanwhile, i'm flirting with recruiters that offer me positions in london and belgium. so off to pastures green. or at least greener, as are all the pastures one is not currently on. but i've learned valuable lessons from my interviews, most importantly broken shoes and tight pants could be the key to making a good impression...
so i've been out hunting. i updated my cv and am ready for a new challenge.
i found a couple of jobs that interested me.
1. writer for a tourist website here in prague.
2. writer/marketting person for a hotel in prague.
3. fraud administrator here in prague.
let me tell you a bit about my experiences with each.
1. i did my professional thing. scouted out the website, thought about what they wanted to hear. practised my lines in front of the mirror. went to the interview in pants that were too tight. way too tight. and way too woollen to wear on a hot summer day. and i wore broken shoes. it was either that or sneakers and sneakers don't fit well with dress pants. so i walked into that interview, shoes flapping, in pants that did not do much to disguise my anatomical features. the interviewer was a nice young lady who seemed very interested in me, but the salary was extremely low, so i declined after all.
2. i decided i no longer wanted floppy soles and tight pants so i bought new dress shoes and a new pair of dressy pants. came to the hotel, had a pretty standard interview got a small assignment and was invited for the second interview for which i was pretty unprepared. the owner grilled me with a complete lack of enthusiasm and frowned at my cv often. then i spent a few hours doing a test in which i had to place people in their correct rooms. gruelling.
3. walked in very relaxed. had a pleasant chat, understood the job and felt a good connection. at the end i also had to do a little test. i had to pick out the frauds in a bunch, which i thought was pretty fun. they said they'd let me know by a certain time (they did mention a specific time, i just don't feel like mentioning it).
meanwhile, i'm flirting with recruiters that offer me positions in london and belgium. so off to pastures green. or at least greener, as are all the pastures one is not currently on. but i've learned valuable lessons from my interviews, most importantly broken shoes and tight pants could be the key to making a good impression...
Friday, September 5, 2008
good for you
outsourcing. a great place to get hired and work your ass off, so you can get hired somewhere better.
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