Eef no one volunteers...I VILL SHOOSE VOLUNTEERS!!

With a cold, steely gaze El Presidente looked around the meeting room, carefully obeserving his workers one by one. It was Wednesday morning and the weekly breakfast meeting had just commenced. Having just returned from vacation in Croatia (some say it was actually a management course in Pyongyang sponsored by the North Korean government,) he was eager to re-assert his control in the office. No doubt, he thought, things were in disarray while he was gone, and all his underlings were running amok, it was time to show them all who's boss.

There was a palbable fearful atmosphere in the room, pale faces were looking frightfully at El Presidente's hard glare. Their short lived freedom had ended, and things would soon go back to normal. They feared the things that he'd say, bad news was on the horizon.

At last, El Presidente began to bellow across the room. He knew that by speaking in a loud voice, he would make his workers respect him. DEAR EMPLOYEES (he began, in his trademark thick Czech accent.) VE HAVE MODIFIED COMPUTER SYSTEMS. VE MUST TEST THESE SYSTEMS, BUT ONLY TIME VILL BE WEEKEND. MEANINGK THAT VE MUST HAVE THE VOLUNTEERS FOR THESE TESTINGS. VE REQUIRE 5...HOWEVER, IF NO ONE VOLUNTEERS...I MUST CHOOSE VOLUNTEERS!!

Having finished his announcement, he flashed a self-satisfied grin and nodded his head contemplatively. There was a stunned silence. Surely, he can't force anyone to work over the weekend? But then again, this is El Presidente, who's mood can change from compassionate...to vengeful and cruel in a matter of seconds. No one would dare refuse dear leader.

Next, to show his insolent subjects that he's tough but fair, he opened the suggestion box. NOW I VILL READ SUGGESTION BOX! Beginning with the first suggestion, which requested that employees that don't take sick days should be given a bonus. LEESTEN DEAR WORKERS, he bellowed after reading the first suggestion, IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH YOUR PAY, PERHAPS YOU SHOULD LOOK ON OTHER JOB! He took out the second suggestion out of the box, he started to laugh and shake his head. ALLRIGHT, THESE ONE NOT VERY VALID, BUT THIS IS SUGGESTION BOX SO I READ SUGGESTION! THESE PERSON WANT TO HAVE ACCESS TO PSYCHOLOGIST BECAUSE OF STRESS RELATED TO JOB! IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE STRESS PERHAPS YOU SHOULD BECOME LIKE PERSON THAT DELIVERS THE NEWSPAPER OR SOMETING...I MAKE JOKE! Everyone laughed nervously.

At last it was time for the final suggestion. Dear leader, it said. Your mercy and compassion knows no limits. How do you tolerate those who go against you, and are disloyal to our great company. He smiled, and spoke in softer tones. "Vell, dear workers, because I see myself as your father, and you as my dear cheeldren. Sometime you go against me, and you must be punished, BUT ALVAYS REMEMBER I CARE FOR YOU. If you show loyalty to me and this company you vill be revarded. HOWEVER, he yelled wagging his finger, IF YOU BETRAY ME AND THIS COMPANY...YOU VILL PAY DEARLY!"

Having clearly made his point, he told everyone to go back to their cubicles. Mission accomplished, he thought to himself.